How to be seen: small changes that make your unique presence work for you (transcript)

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Episode Transcript:

Lian (00:00)

How might small choices massively change how others see us? Hello, my beautiful souls and a huge warm welcome back. In this episode, I'm joined by John Kippen, an entrepreneur, professional magician, speaker, resilience and empowerment coach, and a published author. In 2002, John was diagnosed with a large benign brain tumor.

His removal, although successful, left him with permanent facial paralysis that halted his momentum and led to more than 12 years of hiding. In this conversation, John and I explore identity, being seen, and those simple choices that change a room. John shares the day a brain tumor changed his face, the eight years he avoided mirrors, the child who asked what adults would not.

and the moment he chose to name the change to his face before anyone else did. Together we look at what actually makes the difference, saying the obvious things first so people can relax, letting repetition and craft rebuild confidence and making the person in front of us the point.

Listen to this, if you have ever dodged photos, worried about what strangers notice or

wondered how to begin again after a big change that touches who you are.

before we jump into all of that good stuff, first, it's time for our weekly omen from the algorithmic oracles. Merlin the Magicians, Moon Inked Missive Reads. A small choice changes everything. Subscribe or the gremlins shall swap thy passwords and thy biscuits shall grow as soft as moss.

And if you're struggling with the challenges of walking your soul path in this crazy modern world, and we benefit from guidance, kinship and support, come join our Academy of the Soul, UNIO. You can discover more and join us by hopping on over to

BeMythical.com/unio or click the link in the description.

And now back to this week's episode. Let's dive in.

Lian (02:14)

Hello, John, welcome to the show.

John Kippen (02:17)

Thank you, I'm happy to be here.

Lian (02:20)

I'm happy you're here. I'm very happy you're here. As we were just talking about, I feel you and your life story very much belong on this show. So yes, I feel as though this is going to be, well, of course, a very magical conversation and I can't wait to dive in.

John Kippen (02:40)

I'm ready.

Lian (02:41)

Excellent. So let's begin at the beginning. I always love to know a little bit of someone's origin story, their myth so far. And I know you have ⁓ an especially interesting and tumultuous one. So I would love you to share a bit about that, but I would also give you an invitation to, if there's something that...

perhaps happened much earlier on. Like for example, something that in looking backwards, like connecting the dots backwards, when you look back at say your childhood, perhaps there's a kind of like the seed of what happened later on or what's brought you to where you are now that you can see now looking backwards. But I'll allow you to share whatever it feels, and I'm you to share.

John Kippen (03:33)

Let me start with that before I forget that. I was bullied as a kid. And for whatever reason, I was an only child born to two successful attorneys. I had everything I needed. They made good money. We had a nice home. I went to a private school. But in my neighborhood growing up, there were two kids that loved to bully me.

Lian (03:36)

Mm-hmm.

John Kippen (04:00)

And I remember that, you know, I would come out to play and they would chase me and I would, you know, hide in the house. ⁓ then one day my dad said, by the way, on Saturday we're moving. And that was my chance to stand up to the bullies because I knew that if I was going to get beat up, it was going to happen once. I was prepared for that.

Lian (04:22)

Mmm, wow.

John Kippen (04:24)

So I purposely on a Saturday morning before the moving trucks arrived, I went out and started running my bike and like clockwork, the two kids came out and started chasing me. And I didn't run this time. I just stood there and they got up to my face and they were put off by it. John is running from us anymore. And one of them turned to the other and said, well, This isn't any fun anymore. And turned around and walked away. And I remember going to my folks going, why didn't I do this years ago?

Lian (05:02)

Mmm. ⁓ my gosh.

John Kippen (05:05)

You know, so I think that was the time where I realised that I needed to stand up for myself. I needed, I didn't want to hide any longer.

Lian (05:18)

Mmm.

John Kippen (05:19)

know, I haven't really thought about that.

Lian (05:19)

Thank you so, thank you so much for sharing that. That's so felt like in and of itself. It's a really lovely book.

John Kippen (05:23)

And that's actually in my book Playing the hand you were dealt and just a little plug if you guys listeners get to the end of the podcast though be a link to download a digital copy of my book it's kind of a memoir and motivational memoir and and lots of great stories, I'm a storyteller and I live my life Feeling that it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission

Lian (05:46)

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

John Kippen (05:53)

And that has bit me in the butt numerous times. But it's always given me an opportunity to have amazing life experiences. So going back to your initial question, again, I grew up in a good family, only child spoiled. ⁓ Went to a high school, got involved in theater. Graduated, went to college, was involved in theater.

Lian (06:02)

Mmm.

John Kippen (06:20)

I was always really interested in computers even back in the 80s. So ⁓ I started an IT consulting company out of college. And luck as have it, you know, got a niche in companies that produce television commercials. And ⁓ my life was doing well. I was in a relationship. I earned enough money to buy a house. And everything was great. I was happy. ⁓

Lian (06:48)

Mmm.

John Kippen (06:49)

And all of a sudden one morning I woke up with ringing in my ear, went to the doctor and he said, must be all in your head. And I said, okay. didn't really see that as the omen that it would become. And then that ringing turned into dizziness. Where I was standing and walking moment I was dizzy.

Lian (07:07)

Hmm. Yeah.

John Kippen (07:15)

which led to finally getting the courage to get in that tube to have an MRI even though I was claustrophobic. And I remember getting out of that tube after an hour and going to the receptionist, because that was miserable. I went to the receptionist and I said, how much for those films? She said, no, no, no, those go to the radiologist. He'll read them. And in a couple of days, he'll fill out a report and then send it to your doctor. I said, no, I don't think you heard me.

How much for that set of films? You can always print another for the radiologist. And no one had ever asked that question before. And she said, well, hold on. And she got on the phone and asked her manager, she said $300. And I handed her my credit card, and I said, OK, charge me $300. I'm taking those films with me. And then I went back to my ENT's office without an appointment, walked in, and he saw me through the

Lian (07:48)

Hehehehehe

John Kippen (08:08)

He was in the audience when he saw me through the reception window and he saw the concerned look on my face and I kind of held up the MRI envelope and he said, all right, come on in. And we went into this examining room and he took one of the films and he put it up on his whiteboard.

And then the colour drained from his face. And he said, John, ⁓ I think I see something and you need to see a specialist. So I got on the phone and called a specialist in downtown Los Angeles where I grew up, still am, and arranged an appointment for the following morning. And he said, John, take these films, meet with this doctor. He is ⁓ one of the best in the country and good luck.

And so, yeah, I kind of went home worried about whatever. I was, I've always been a glasses half full kind of guy. So I'm like, okay, they'll be able to deal with radiation or whatever. So I got down to the clinic and they took me in and the surgeon

Lian (08:53)

Goodness.

John Kippen (09:10)

put up this MRI and then got on the phone and called a neurosurgeon who came in and they talked and then the neurosurgeon left and the doctor turned around and said, John.

You have a four and a half centimeter acoustic neuroma brain tumor. And it is so big, it is displacing your brain stem, and that's why you're dizziness and it's going to kill you. We have pushed other patients, and you're being operated on a week from today. You're going to go deaf in your left ear. The surgery will go between 12 and 14 hours. There's always a risk of residual facial paralysis, although, We will do our best to prevent that.

I left the room.

And there I'm sitting on this examining bench, you know, with the tissue paper under your butt. so I'm squirming and all I can feel in here is the rustling of this tissue paper. And because all my senses were heightened at this point. And I was like, wait, wait, wait, what did he say? So I exited the examining room and found him. And I said, excuse me, doctor, we weren't done. And I pretty much drug him back into the room.

Lian (10:07)

Mmm.

John Kippen (10:20)

started asking questions and I had come alone which is a huge mistake. I should have brought someone with me because doctors don't like to be recorded so I didn't have my phone with me and ⁓

Lian (10:25)

Mmm.

John Kippen (10:34)

So anyway, so he answered as many questions as he could in the few minutes that he had and he said, you you'll be back doing hearing tests and ⁓ you can ask them then. So I went and met my parents for lunch and they were curious and anxious to hear and I said, I'm having brain surgery a week from today and they're like, you're doing what?

And I had a week to get my affairs in order, you know, get someone to be able to take over my computer consultant company for a month or two during healing. ⁓ the week went so quick.

So the night before surgery, I checked in the hospital, ⁓ tried to get an hour or two of sleep, 6 a.m. My clock worked, the orderly came in and started rolling. He said, all right, get undressed, get under this sheet and get on this gurney, which is cold. And started rolling me down this hallway and I got to the surgical area and the nurse with her mask said, would you like us to ⁓ shave your head now or afterwards

? you put we put you under and I like after please after

Lian (11:41)

my gosh.

John Kippen (11:45)

So they rolled me in the operating room in the five, four, three, and I'm out. And the next thing I know, I'm trying to wake up. It's like I'm 50 meters in a pool, struggling to get to the surface. And I hear these faint voices calling my name. And finally, I come to enough to recognise that it was my dad who was holding my hand, sitting on the side of the bed.

But I looked around the room and I didn't need glasses to see, so I asked for my glasses because I didn't see my mom. And when I put the glasses on, it was difficult because of my head bandage now. So I've got to figure out how to get the glasses on even with my head being bandaged. I saw my mom's face And she had this look of horror on her face. And I didn't really understand why that was.

until later that day when I was able to get up and go to the bathroom and look in the mirror and I saw that indeed my face had become paralyzed because I have full feeling but it dupes on the one side. So the next time the doctor came in my first question is when is my face going to come back? He said don't worry John you know we had it was working until we closed the incision and we think that just the swelling is causing pressure on the facial nerve and once the swelling goes down, your facial nerve will start working again. So I was able to go.

spent a week in the hospital recovering and then I went home and started my recovery process and then I ⁓ developed a spinal fluid leak from the incision and had to go back for another surgery, although this was only an hour surgery for them to redo the incision. But anyway, so now ⁓ I'm starting to realise that ⁓ I look different and I'm not recognising myself.

Lian (13:26)

Mmm.

John Kippen (13:27)

starting to becoming self-conscious without realising I'm becoming self-conscious. But I remember having a friend come over and we got rid of all the mirrors on my house because I didn't want to be constantly reminded of my paralysis. Because I don't know it unless I see myself in a mirror, in a video, or in a picture.

Lian (13:42)

Mmm.

John Kippen (13:48)

So anyway, I was able to conduct business from my home. I had people working for me, so I didn't have to go out and meet with people. and I stayed pretty much secluded for eight years.

Lian (13:58)

Goodness.

John Kippen (13:59)

And I was miserable. And finally, I said enough with this. I'm going to go out and you know, I tell him my Ted talk that I did that I went to a restaurant that was sitting at a table by myself. And there was a little boy in a booth in front of me and he was bored. So he turned around on his knees and was looking at me and kind of tilting his head. And then he came right to the table and said, Mr. What's wrong with your face?

And I was like, you know, I could shoo him away or I realised this was a chance for a teachable moment. So I said, man, you have a really good question. I had a medical procedure that caused me not to be able to move my face. But it's my new face and I love it. And then his mom grabs him by the arm and says, don't bother the nice man. He has enough troubles already.

And I was like, I'm not going to leave the conversation like that. So I got up from the table and went to their table and kneeled down and was eye eye with the boy. And I said, you know, I love my face because it's different. It's different just like yours. And the little boy, five or six years old, started taking his fingers to, you know, distort his face to look like mine. And he said, Mom, look, I can do that too.

And I looked at his parents and his parents, the look on their face was one of, my God, light bulb moment for them. They were imposing their views of what was normal and abnormal on their son.

And as we, I went back to the table and kind of whispered thank you because they knew that they had all learned something about how to treat people who were different with respect and compassion, which was the theme on my TED Talk.

Lian (15:41)

Hmm.

John Kippen (15:48)

One of the things that got me out amongst the living again was my love for magic, performing magic. had done magic as a kid and I wanted to

Lian (15:59)

Actually, before you go on, because I know this is a kind of really important arc in your story where the kind of, you know, there's several distinct chapters really of your story. And what was, I was pondering this before we began and then it's become even more fascinating to me as I've heard you talk. Is this idea of identity and how we.

John Kippen (16:03)

Uh-huh.

Lian (16:26)

as humans often, and you alluded to this, we come into this life and then we start to form an identity. And for some people, they may actually go to the end of their lives with that kind of same rough identity, which is kind of like have little bits or chopped off or added as they kind of grow older, but by and large kind of keep to this idea of this is me, this is me. And are very...

gripped onto that sense of identity without even realising necessarily there is anything else to be. And for you, because of the experience you've had, you've had different identities that you've been kind of thrust into. was, you know, very, you know, there was the before you had the operation, and then there was very much that kind of period after. And there was something that really struck me when you were talking about the fact that You took down all these mirrors because without seeing yourself, there was almost not an identity change. And yet obviously over time, you know, whether or not you could see yourself, there clearly had been this shift in identity. You couldn't escape it. There was a point where you're like, I can't go out anymore because I do feel so different. And then of course, there's been another identity change that we're going to explore in a moment. ⁓

John Kippen (17:45)

Yeah.

Lian (17:51)

based on what you experience with that, you know, very distinct different identities, and then again, this new one that you're becoming and continuing to grow into, what does that tell you more broadly about how we have these, like this such a strong sense of identity, but actually how fragile it can be and malleable it can be, but also how, if you think back, you know, to you know, way back in human history, we didn't have mirrors, we didn't have videos. We literally didn't know what we looked like. And so there is something so fascinating to me about this idea of, you know, what we see in the mirror, what we can't see in the mirror, this idea of what we look like and how that affects our identity. So this is a bit of a kind of, it's not a nice, neat question, but I would love to hear based on, you know, what I've said in your own experience, what's that shown you about this idea of identity, but also how it's connected to how we look.

John Kippen (18:50)

You know, I grew up in Los Angeles, and Los Angeles specifically is a very superficial place to live.

Lian (19:00)

Of course, yeah.

John Kippen (19:00)

with all the celebrities and actors and actresses and all the pretty people. And it only, you know, that is what people think of Los Angeles as it's a city of beautiful people. Physically beautiful people. Yeah. You know, I could have grown up in the Midwest and things would have been different, you know, because you strive to look the best you can.

Lian (19:05)

Mm-hmm.

For sure. Yes, what a place for this to have happened. ⁓

Mmm.

John Kippen (19:29)

You know, people get an inch trimmed off their hair and they're freaking out because they don't recognise themselves in Los Angeles.

Lian (19:39)

You

John Kippen (19:39)

But I've come to understand that my identity is not defined.

I was never an attractive guy. I'm overweight and balding, but with a paralyzed face, but...

I've learned through my journey that what people really are attracted to is what's inside my experience, my life experience, and not letting my facial paralysis define me if I didn't let it. Now, that was an eight-year discovery. ⁓ And so in my resilience and empowerment coaching practice, I help people with that. ⁓

Lian (20:05)

Mmm.

John Kippen (20:17)

That kind of was a rude awakening to me that I had to try that much harder to tell people who I am as a human being because they were distracted or didn't want to look at my face or didn't see value in a relationship with me, especially in the dating world.

Lian (20:31)

Mmm.

Mmm.

John Kippen (20:45)

⁓ being scarred being deformed and so I would walk down the street and people would cross and walk on the other side just because they didn't want to potentially hurt my feelings by staring or ask me a question about it and I found that that was so horrible because It didn't give me a chance to prove to them who I was as a human being. They let my superficial look. Immediately they judged me as someone that they could never love or have a relationship with. And ⁓ those scars really were deep.

Lian (21:25)

Mmm.

John Kippen (21:30)

And so that's how I really came to share who I am through my storytelling and my performing of magic. So people could look beyond my mask and into my heart and see that I was worthy of being loved and being accepted. so I think people in today's society go through life so concerned about

Lian (21:38)

Hmm.

John Kippen (22:00)

that first appearance. know, people say, you know, people judge you the first five seconds of meeting you.

Lian (22:07)

Mmm.

John Kippen (22:08)

wrong because you can't really understand who a person is in that first three to five seconds.

So it's our job as human beings to communicate who we are outside of what we look like.

Lian (22:23)

Mmm.

John Kippen (22:23)

our hopes, our dreams, our thoughts, our desires, our dreams.

It's so important because that's the only thing that will create long-lasting friendships and relationships despite the outward appearance.

Lian (22:39)

Hmm. What really struck me in something you just shared and coming back to this idea of identity is it's only as your identity shifted and I think expanded so that it was no longer about I, know, during that period, immediately after the operation, I'm going to use some of the words that you've used. so forgive me if it feels, incorrect coming from my mouth. I'm, you know, I'm doing my best to be respectful, but also honoring kind of the way that you have used the language. But for the, for that period after the operation, your identity was this idea, I'm guessing of I am deformed, therefore I'm not lovable. Therefore, why would someone find value in me? And then what I find so fascinating is the way your identity then began to expand into this idea of I recognise that there is depth to me and magic to me and truth to me and all of these things and your idea of your own identity changed to encompass that which then allowed you to live in a way, tell stories that allowed other people to see that. But you had to go first. Your identity shifted to include this something different.

that from that period after the operation, I find that so fascinating how we can kind of think it requires other people to see that. And of course it does, but you went first. You saw that in yourself first.

John Kippen (24:18)

My brand is being different is your super-

Lian (24:21)

Mmm.

John Kippen (24:21)

And it all comes from learning how to accept yourself unconditionally.

Lian (24:28)

Hmm.

John Kippen (24:29)

And it's not easy, trust me, it's not easy.

Lian (24:32)

Well, let's go there now. Let's go there now because this is where I just paused you. So we take the, take the pause button off and you're about to talk about, think how magic was a key ingredient in that.

John Kippen (24:45)

Performing magic, you know, I joined a local magic club called the Magic Castle which is ⁓ attracts People from all over the world to come and see top top-notch magicians and I passed me audition and got my member pan and I was eligible to perform magic and I Would lurk around here and there finally put together in 20 minutes of magic that I could sit down at one of the impromptu tables and invite an audience to come and sit there and enjoy my magic. But I found that people were distracted by my face. Not in a bad way, but in a curiosity way. Huh, did he have Bell's palsy? ⁓ maybe he had a stroke. And that prevented them from being in the moment.

Lian (25:31)

Hmm.

John Kippen (25:32)

And magic is all about this moment in time. So I decided to change my opening and I would say, hi guys, welcome. Little bit about myself, name is John and I've been doing magic all my life. But in 2002, I had a brain tumor. And when they cut out my head to get the brain tumor, they traumatized my facial nerve, leaving my face paralyzed. But something happened to me on that operating room table.

I'm not sure what it was because I was unconscious. All I know is I recovered. realised I had acquired some new skills. And then I paused. And I wait for the audience to get on the edge of their seats, waiting to hear what possible skills I could have acquired from having doctors and surgeons monkeying around in my brain. And then I look to my right and then to my left.

like it's the biggest secret and I lean in and I whisper in a loud voice, guys, I am able to visualize people's thoughts.

Lian (26:34)

Hehehehehe

John Kippen (26:37)

And then I go on doing some mentalism, some mental magic.

And all of a sudden now they're invested. They're like, okay, we have the answer to the question we were scared to ask is what happened to his face. Now my facial paralysis doesn't define me. And they're able to be present and able to enjoy the magic with magic's sake. You know?

Lian (26:46)

my gosh.

Hmm. And in a whole other way. mean, what a magical. my gosh. I love that. got chills as you described that. I love that so much.

John Kippen (27:04)

Yeah.

You know, I'm a storyteller. You know, I speak. I know how to speak to people. I know how to ⁓ engage people. And that's what I would do. And I, you know, I realised early on in my magic career that magic happens in the mind of the audience. It has nothing to do with the tricks I'm doing or the cards or the groves or whatever the prompts are, but the...

Lian (27:16)

Mmm.

John Kippen (27:39)

The magic happens in the mind of the audience. So I would put the audience first. I would make the magic about what they did, about what they thought. And I would put them on a pedestal. And I would always use their name to reinforce that I was talking one-on-one, even though there might be 20, 50, 100 people in the room. I was talking to you personally.

Lian (27:47)

you

John Kippen (28:07)

And we were making that personal connection with the magic. And then I would turn to someone else and I would use their name and go because you know, you hear your name and you sit up straight. ⁓ he's talking to me. I'm the highlight. I'm in the spotlight. And that develops just this unbreakable bond. And it allows you to say he sees me for who I am.

Lian (28:10)

Mmm.

Mmm.

John Kippen (28:33)

And that's very attractive. You know, I never considered myself attractive. But with performing magic and sharing my story, I'm able to attract people. sometimes I don't know why they're attracted to me. But they are. You know, I'll perform for women.

Lian (28:36)

Yes.

Mmm.

John Kippen (28:57)

And I'll have a table full of beautiful women. And there's this overweight balding guy with facial paralysis sitting behind the table. And so I've noticed women sitting there with their hackles up, you know, their arms are crossed along the chest and their legs are crossed. And they're leaning back in their chair and they have a sort of a grin on their face. They're preferred to see magic, but they don't know who I am. They don't know what my intentions are.

so they're reserved.

Lian (29:27)

Mmm.

John Kippen (29:27)

Then I start my magic and I start involving them in the process. And all of sudden their body language starts to change. And they drop their arms to their side or the rest of them on the table. And their legs plant, their feet plant right on them. And then they start leaning in. And then they can't help but having this glisten in their eye and this grin to grin smile. They're entranced. They're completely in the moment.

And I literally watched this wall that women in today's society are forced to put up because of all the sexual predators. I see this wall start to drop.

Lian (30:03)

Mmm.

John Kippen (30:07)

And by the end of this show, can't tell you how many times these beautiful women are asking permission to hug me.

Lian (30:15)

⁓

John Kippen (30:16)

And was funny when this started happening, was a life-changing experience for me. It's the first time I felt that I was worthy of being loved.

Lian (30:23)

Hmm.

John Kippen (30:27)

And I'm an analytical kind of guy. I'm a creative problem solver, right? So I asked if I could contact some of these women off, you know, a couple days later. And they gave me their numbers and I called them and I said, you know, I want to understand what was going through your mind, what was going through your heart, what was going through your body. From the point you originally saw me to 30 minutes later and now you are asking to hug me.

And they're like, I don't know. I just felt heard, I felt seen, felt that I wasn't being judged. And I said, is it possible in today's society that I gave you permission to be feminine again?

Lian (31:02)

Mmm.

John Kippen (31:10)

And they pretty much started crying. And they realised that's exactly what it was. They were, I gave them permission to be themselves, to be feminine again, to let that wall drop and let them be loving and let them be giving. And I realised that's one of my biggest gifts. So.

Through those experiences, I become an empath. You know, I take the time to notice people. You know, we now do scroll on our phones and Facebook and Instagram, and we're constantly scrolling, and you have friends on there that will post something that's out of their character. It's not representing the person that you know them to be. And most people really do, they just keep on scrolling. he's having a bad day, she's having a bad day.

Lian (31:34)

Mmm. ⁓

John Kippen (31:58)

Not me. I stop. I call that person and say, hey, I saw that post. Are you OK? Do you want to talk? And some people post, and they don't even realise that they're calling out for help. They're crying out for help. And just having someone know that someone noticed.

Lian (32:13)

Mmm.

John Kippen (32:18)

and is taking the time out of their lives to reach out and just be present with me.

fills my heart. And so that's what my life has been about, is allowing people, empowering people to be themselves and use what they're passionate about to define them and not their outward appearance.

Lian (32:27)

Hmm.

Mmm.

Peace.

So I want to ask you a question going back to the way that magic has seeming to ring so much, not only to you, but actually to others that you've performed magic with. What's your thought as to why magic, like why was magic the thing? And I, when I am asking that question, I don't necessarily mean from a kind of, well, it allows me to do this. I mean more like.

John Kippen (32:46)

Cough

Lian (33:10)

from a level of like, from a destiny perspective, from a soul perspective, why magic?

John Kippen (33:17)

Well, magic is what fuels me to begin with. But, you know, magic opens the possibilities that anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

Lian (33:24)

Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

John Kippen (33:27)

The word impossible, you can break that down into two words. I'm possible. And we all have these limiting beliefs that were formed when we grew up and when we learned from whoever raised us, our parents or grandparents or whatever. And we form these belief systems. And they protect us. But they don't necessarily serve us.

Lian (33:48)

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

John Kippen (33:53)

You know, and I'm a big dreamer. So many of us growing up, we dream as kids. You know, you're with your parents and they have an adult friend come over and they meet you and they say, okay, John, what do you want to be when you grow up? As a little boy, would say, I want to be a fireman. No, I want to be a doctor. No, wait, wait, wait. I want to be a rock star.

And then I would go into my room and grab a couple of rulers and start banging on things like the drums and get my air guitar out and start singing. And I'm in make believe and I'm in a land where everything is possible.

And then you start growing up and you form your own identity and you, you go to school and you get a job and you build a career and you get a family.

And that becomes your status quo. becomes your dream.

But it's not always your dream. So I challenge people to take a moment or a few and to just close your eyes and think, given all the money in the world and all the opportunity in the world, where do you see your dream?

because so many people are miserable. That's why the phrase midlife crisis came to be. Because you get to a certain point in your life and you're comfortable. But you're like, is this all there is? Between now and when I croak, isn't there more? And you start dreaming. And you start realising that you can do whatever you put your mind to.

Lian (35:12)

Hmm.

John Kippen (35:34)

You know, my dream is to empower people to live every day with joy. Because doing that not only brings joy to them, but it brings joy to you. And being in a state of joy is the one thing that can alleviate stress, can give you hope. You know, in our world today, we're, there's, so difficult to see hope with all the strife in the world.

But all we can do is love ourselves, you know, deep down, love who we are, who we have become and who we can continue to become. And influence others by showing up as our authentic selves and sharing our passions with other people.

Lian (36:14)

Mm.

Mm, beautiful. mm. I love what you said about why it's magic. Yeah, there's, think things like magic and like me, you love stories and some of the stories I tell are old stories, folk tales, fairy tales, myths. And the show is all about sharing other people's stories as well. And

John Kippen (36:25)

That's my soapbox.

All right.

Lian (36:53)

There's so much they can teach us just like magic of anything can be possible. Perhaps there can be dragons and goddesses and all of the gnomes and if they can be in the story, perhaps we can live in ways that are beyond what we thought was possible.

John Kippen (37:04)

Now. All you have to do is look your eyes and you

Thank

Lian (37:12)

We're almost out of time. It's flown by. I'd like to, I love the way that the things that we do, the stories they tell, the work we do in itself is quite symbolic of who we are, our soul and what you've just said there about why magic was a perfect example of that. I'd like to kind of go to something more specific. Do you have a particular ⁓ magic trick?

that you would say is like the one that is like most symbolic of you and your story? Like that one trick that, and it might be that you can only tell me a little bit because you're not allowed to share the secret, but is there something you would say, you know, this one trick is the one that if I could kind of like pour all of myself into this one trick, it would tell my story for me.

John Kippen (38:07)

Yeah. ⁓

When I would perform at the Magic Castle, you know, I remember this one day I was sitting at the bar having dinner with my back facing the door. And this couple came in and had seen me before but didn't remember my name. So I heard they were describing me to one of the hosts, you know, we're looking for this guy, guy, and was great last time. He's a big guy and, well, you got to know him. He's the guy with the paralyzed face. And I heard that and I was like, no, I don't want to be known as the guy with the paralyzed face. So I got on my phone and googled and I found a company that would sell pocket squares because you had to wear a coat and tie so a pocket squares that would light up and get more colours so on mr. Blue as you can tell from everything around me ⁓ I bought a blue one and I started ⁓ wearing that blue pocket square And all of sudden everything changed now people referred me, you know, hey, have you seen John?

Yeah, you can't miss him. He's the guy with the blue pocket square.

And that was magic in and of itself.

And then I reached out to the guy who made it and I said, can you make one that I can change the colours? And he goes, yeah, I think so. So a thousand dollars and three products that my Assistant Henry was born and it became my sidekick, my alter ego. And so I would sit there and perform a little plastic box with a cube.

And each side of the cube has a different colour. And I would hand the cube to a person and say, put it under the table, pick a colour, put it face up and cover the box so I can't see it. And I would ask them to imagine the colour and think of the colour and then would reveal it. And all of a sudden, Henry would flash. Okay. Sorry, guys. You got to indulge my assistant. He wants in on the act. So do you mind doing it again?

So would pass the cube to someone else and they would under the table take the cube out, change the colour and put a face of them.

And would turn to Henry and say, okay, buddy, you asked for it at your time to shine. And all of sudden he would start glowing the colour that they had put face up in the wall.

And it's funny, he got more applause than I did.

You know, I was walking down the hallway and people who knew me would say, how you doing, Henry? And they wouldn't even ignore me.

Lian (40:26)

Hahaha!

John Kippen (40:29)

And I would have additions come up and they would watch me perform and like, God, I love that. It's so many messages, so much, it's fun. And they would say, well, how do I get one of those?

Lian (40:36)

Mm.

John Kippen (40:43)

and they will say, ⁓ you mean Henry? ⁓ no, sorry. He's an only child. He's not for sale.

Lian (40:46)

Hehehehehe

John Kippen (40:51)

His full name was Hank A. Kirchhoff. But Hank was not.

Magic doesn't need to

Lian (40:59)

I love that so much!

John Kippen (41:01)

Magic is designed to bring awe and wonder to people and take people into a world of everything is possible. And so he became my assistant. He became my sidekick. And when I perform I never leave him home. He gets very sad when I leave him.

Lian (41:13)

Mmm.

And so does everyone else because they want to know where he is. my gosh. Sometimes I ask a question and then I'm kind of like secretly congratulating myself afterwards. Like I'm so glad I asked that question. That was one of the... it fabulous. So we are coming up at the end. I've got one more question for you, which is if your life...

John Kippen (41:25)

Yeah, exactly.

I am too, I am too.

Lian (41:46)

was a myth which you know as far as I'm concerned it is but you know indulge me if you don't usually see it that way. If your life was a myth which archetype or mythical figure would you be and what is that quest that your soul is being called on?

John Kippen (42:04)

You know, I don't know mythology very well, have to admit. Zeus comes to mind, but ⁓ I don't know if that's a appropriate.

Lian (42:15)

Wow,

I can give you a little clue here actually, because one of the options was or archetype and the magician is an archetype. So feel free to say I'd be the magician. And what would be the quest that your soul has been called on?

John Kippen (42:18)

Bye

Of course it's medication.

I'm living it every day.

Lian (42:34)

Hmm.

John Kippen (42:36)

I don't need to dream it. It has come true because I help people. I help people through my resilience and empowerment coaching program. Get out of their own way to start dreaming again, to get rid of their limiting beliefs and to live each day with joy and purpose. And that's what I do.

Lian (42:48)

Mmm.

Well it's so funny that you just said that last word purpose because I just remembered and She'll be, she'd have been kicking me if I hadn't remembered. One of the Be Mythical team, Leanne, not me, it's not my alter ego. She asked me to ask you, do you feel like you found your purpose? And I just remembered it just as you said the word purpose. I'm going to ask the, I think I know the answer, but I'm going to ask you that last question.

John, do you feel you've found your purpose?

John Kippen (43:31)

Absolutely. You know, people ask me, know, given a different outcome.

Lian (43:33)

Hehehehehe

John Kippen (43:38)

Would you go back and not have that brain tumor affect you?

You know, do you have any regrets? Not one. Because of the lives my story and my insight and my magic have changed, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Lian (43:54)

I can feel the truth in every word you spoke then. Yeah.

John Kippen (43:58)

I wouldn't have changed everything.

Lian (44:00)

Well, thank you so much for sharing your story. Where can listeners find out more about you, your work, and also, as you mentioned at the beginning, get your book.

John Kippen (44:12)

So it's, ⁓ I have multiple websites, but the master site is just my name, johnkippen.com. And you can learn, you can see me perform for people that you'll recognise, people you don't recognise. ⁓ I have a Ted Talk that has over a million views where I share ⁓ how to be kind to people.

and how to treat people with respect and compassion. There's a documentary that co-starred Jamie Lee Curtis. She's become a close friend of mine. There's a link to that in there. There's me performing magic. There's lessons. There's just enchantment and engagement. And there links to reach out to me, ⁓ John at JohnKibben.com.

Lian (45:03)

Perfect. ⁓ and how would listeners find the book there?

John Kippen (45:07)

Go to johnkibben.com forward slash free gift.

Lian (45:12)

Perfect. Well named. Thank you so much, John. You have been an absolute delight. I've really enjoyed speaking to you.

John Kippen (45:21)

I've had a wonderful time and I'm sure so sorry that we didn't have another three hours.

Lian (45:26)

⁓ likewise. Thank you so much.

Lian (45:30)

⁓ what a wonderful show. Here are my favourite parts. We saw how naming the visible difference at the start eased the room, answered what was not being asked and opened the opportunity for real connection. John showed that steady practice, honest story and self-acceptance can rebuild identity after a big change. No perfect conditions or permission required. We watched how putting the person in front of you First with presence, names and attention, softened intention and grew trust.

If you'd like to hop on over to the show notes for the links, they're at BeMythical.com/podcast/519 And if you're struggling with the challenges of walking your soul path in this crazy modern world, and we benefit from guidance, kinship and support, come join our Academy of the Soul, UNIO.

You can discover more and join us by hopping on over to BeMythical.com/unio or click the link in the description. Let's walk the path home together. If you don't want to miss out on next week's episode, head on over to your podcasting app or platform of choice, including YouTube, of course, and hit that subscribe or follow button. Heed Merlin's warning from earlier.

And that way you'll get each episode delivered straight to device, auto-magically, as soon as it's released. Thank you so much for listening. You've been wonderful. I'm sending you all my love. I'll catch you again next week. And until then, go be mythical.

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